Good Insults

I don't see any penises in the general vicinity... So I'm wondering why you keep opening your fucking mouth.

Person: You are what you eat. Comeback: Perhaps that's why you're such a dick.

Bully: You're stupid! Comeback: So was you Dad when he thought he didn't need a condom.

I'd give a fuck, but I already gave it to your mother last night.

I would love to insult you, but I'm afraid I won't do as well as nature did.

I may love to shop but I'm not buying your bullshit.

I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.

Girls who claim that a lot of guys are after them should keep in mind that low prices always attract many customers.

Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.

If I gave a shit, it would be on your face.

Roses are red, monsters are green, look in the mirror, you'll see what I mean.

So a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

You're like a cloud; once you fuck off, it's a beautiful day.

You've got more dick in your personality than you have in your pants.

I heard that you were a lady-killer. They take one look at you and die of shock.

I'd call you an idiot but that would be an insult to stupid people.

Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement.

Bitch please. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

You're the dick you'll never have.

I may be drunk, but you are ugly, and tomorrow I will be sober.