Famous Insults

"I would have been your daddy, but a dog beat me over the fence." - Sergeant Johnson.

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
Billy Wilder

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
Stephen Bishop

"Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one."
Winston Churchill's response to George Bernard Shaw

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
Oscar Wilde

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
Mark Twain

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
Ernest Hemingway
(about William Faulkner)

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
William Faulkner
(about Ernest Hemingway)

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
Clarence Darrow

Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? A. From a catalogue

It is only too easy to catch people's attention by doing something worse than anyone else has dared to do it before."If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.

He emits an air of overwhelming vanity combined with some unspecific nastiness, like a black widow spider in heat. But nobody seems to notice. He could be reciting 'Fox's Book of Martyrs' in Finnish and these people would be rolling out of their seats.