Good Comebacks

In need of a witty comeback? Check out these good comebacks and you'll be ready for any insult that may come your way!

  • I would tell you to go fuck yourself but I’m pretty sure you’d be disappointed.
  • Since you know it all, you should know when to shut the fuck up.
  • I think "dildo" is a perfectly acceptable insult. I'd call you a dick, but you're not real enough.
  • You're not worth it. You can't put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.
  • Insult: Suck my dick!
    Comeback: How can I? There's nothing there!
  • It's a bird! It's a plane! No... Wait... It's that flying fuck I don't give.
  • Insult: Why are you so fat?
    Comeback: Because every time I fuck your mom she gives me a cookie.
  • If you want my comeback, you'll have to scrape it off your mother's teeth. Only joking, she swallowed the lot!
  • Insult: You're a pussy.
    Comeback: Well, you are what you eat. Guess that makes you a dick.
  • I think I have Alzheimer's because I can't remember when I asked for your opinion.
  • You lips keep moving, but all I hear is "blah, blah, blah."
  • Maybe if you wait a little longer, a fuck will fall in my hand and I can give it to you.
  • Wipe your mouth, there's still a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips.
  • I Googled "Who Gives a Shit?"
    My name wasn't in the results.
  • Your comeback was so stupid, it didn't even comeback!
  • Please cancel my subscription. I've had enough of your issues.
  • If I wanted shit from you, I'd squeeze your head.
  • I don't see any penises in the general vicinity... So I'm wondering why you keep opening your fucking mouth.
  • I'm sorry dear, but in order for you to insult me, I must first value your opinion. Nice try though.
  • I don't remember asking you for your opinion, but since we're sharing how we feel... I think you should go fuck yourself.