Good Comebacks

You're not worth it. You can't put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.

Insult: Suck my dick!
Comeback: How can I? There's nothing there!

It's a bird! It's a plane! No... Wait... It's that flying fuck I don't give.

Insult: Why are you so fat?
Comeback: Because every time I fuck your mom she gives me a cookie.

If you want my comeback, you'll have to scrape it off your mother's teeth. Only joking, she swallowed the lot!

Insult: You're a pussy.
Comeback: Well, you are what you eat. Guess that makes you a dick.

I think I have Alzheimer's because I can't remember when I asked for your opinion.

You lips keep moving, but all I hear is "blah, blah, blah."

Maybe if you wait a little longer, a fuck will fall in my hand and I can give it to you.

Wipe your mouth, there's still a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips.

I Googled "Who Gives a Shit?"
My name wasn't in the results.

Your comeback was so stupid, it didn't even comeback!

Please cancel my subscription. I've had enough of your issues.

If I wanted shit from you, I'd squeeze your head.

I don't see any penises in the general vicinity... So I'm wondering why you keep opening your fucking mouth.

I'm sorry dear, but in order for you to insult me, I must first value your opinion. Nice try though.

I don't remember asking you for your opinion, but since we're sharing how we feel... I think you should go fuck yourself.

Oh, interesting. Let me just write that on my list of things that I don't give a shit about.

I poured my heart to you and you reply "oh lol." Bitch, I hope you get hit by a bus so I can be like... "oh lol."

Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results. Good news, they found your head!