Good Comebacks

Insult: You think you're so smart. Comeback: No, you just make it really easy.

Insult: Your mum's a slut. Comeback: Keep my mum out of this and I'll keep my dick out of yours.

That's so funny. The last time I heard that, I laughed so hard I missed my shot at a woolly mammoth.

Person 1: Suck my dick. Person 2: Sorry, I choke on small objects.

Insult: Make me a sammich! Comeback: I'll make you a footlong when you grow a foot long!

You: I just had my first kiss today. Friend: Your mom doesn't count. You: Yeah, but yours does.

If I wanted a comeback, I'd wipe it off your mother's chin.

Insult: Keep your mouth shut! Comeback: Keep your legs shut.

Insult: You're such a bitch! Comeback: I'm a bitch?! Well, you're a whore, and frankly I'd like to be known for what I do rather than who I do.

I would tell you to go fuck yourself but I'm pretty sure you'd be disappointed.

Since you know it all, you should know when to shut the fuck up.

I think "dildo" is a perfectly acceptable insult. I'd call you a dick, but you're not real enough.

You're not worth it. You can't put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.

Insult: Suck my dick! Comeback: How can I? There's nothing there!

It's a bird! It's a plane! No... Wait... It's that flying fuck I don't give.

Insult: Why are you so fat? Comeback: Because every time I fuck your mom she gives me a cookie.

Insult: You're a pussy. Comeback: Well, you are what you eat. Guess that makes you a dick.

I think I have Alzheimer's because I can't remember when I asked for your opinion.

Maybe if you wait a little longer, a fuck will fall in my hand and I can give it to you.

Wipe your mouth, there's still a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips.