Relationship Insults

Find the perfect insult for your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband. List of insults and comebacks for relationships.

  • Have you ever woken up from a sex dream and still felt horny? Cool, that's pretty much how your girlfriend feels after real sex.
    20
  • You want my ass? You had my ass. You let my ass walk away. The only ass left is your dumbass!
    41
  • You're like the first slice of bread in the bag. Everyone touches you, but nobody really wants you.
    227
  • Don't feel too special, I'm only keeping your number in my phone so I know not to answer when you call.
    118
  • If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember.. Nobody loves you on the other days of the year either.
    90
  • You're like a tornado; you moan like hell when you come and you take the house when you leave.
    23
  • Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date!
    57
  • Bitch please. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
    203
  • Ex: You'll never find someone like me.
    You: That's the point.
    107
  • Your boyfriend hasn't gotten sick from eating your tuna every night?
    52
  • Marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night; first the ring, THEN you wake up.
    35
  • I heard you were dating my ex -- how do I taste?
    82
  • Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
    100
  • Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
    164
  • I wish our marriage certificate came with an expiry date.
    51
  • Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

    One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
    321
  • You're just mad because your hair is straighter than you are.
    313
  • Bacon is bacon, eggs are eggs, don't let guys between your legs, they say you're cute, they say you're fine, nine months later they say not mine.
    955
  • Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    Garbage is dumped,
    And so are you.
    344
  • Your girlfriend is so ugly she went to a dog show. And won.
    167