Man: So, how do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized.
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Funny Insults and Comebacks
You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime.
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Insult of the day
That's so funny. The last time I heard that, I laughed so hard I missed my shot at a woolly mammoth.
The funniest insults of all time
Ranked by 672,781 votes from visitors since 2010. Every vote below moves the leaderboard.
Some babies were dropped on their heads but you were clearly thrown at a wall.
95% of 1.7k votes1.5kIdiot InsultsInsult: FAIL! Comeback: Nobody asked for your life story.
94% of 1.4k votes1.2kGood ComebacksInsult: You're jealous! Comeback: Yes, I'm jealous of people who don't know you.
92% of 1.1k votes
You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.
Person 1: What are you looking at? Person 2: That's what I'm trying to figure out
I'd slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
I'm not saying I hate you, but if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd probably be the one driving it.
I would love to insult you, but I'm afraid I won't do as well as nature did.
Roses are red, monsters are green, look in the mirror, you'll see what I mean.
I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.
Can I take your picture? I love to collect photos of natural disasters.
At least when I do a handstand my stomach doesn't hit me in the face.
Your mother was arrested for littering every time she dropped you off at school.
Girls who claim that a lot of guys are after them should keep in mind that low prices always attract many customers.
Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.
I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the garbage.
I see you were so impressed with your first chin that you added two more.
Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you'll find a brain back there.
Of course I talk like an idiot, how else could you understand me?
I'm the type of person to laugh at mistakes so sorry if I laugh at your face.
I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.
You're so skinny, you swallowed a meatball and thought you were pregnant.
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
I'm not saying I hate you, but if you were on fire, I'd sit down and pull out the marshmallows.
Yo momma's so fat, she downloads cheats for Wii Fit.
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The best of each category, voted to the top. Tap through for the full list.
- Good Comebacks222
If your gonna be two faced, honey at least make one of them pretty.
- Wipe your mouth, there's still a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips.
- Bully: Give me your money! Victim: I would, but I gotta pay your mom for last night.
- Yo Momma Insults162
Yo momma's so poor, I saw her chasing the garbage truck with a shopping list.
- Yo momma so fat, the only letters of the alphabet she knows are "KFC"
- Yo mommas so dumb she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go!
- Idiot Insults114
You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo.
- Come back and talk to me when your I.Q. exceeds your age.
- If you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless.
- Ugly Insults120
Person: What are you looking at? You: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, IT TALKS!!!
- By the way, the zoo called, the baboons want their butts back, so you'll have to find a new face.
- Mirrors can't talk and lucky for you they can't laugh either!
- Mean Insults110
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you.
- Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car, Throw you off a cliff so high, I hope you break your neck and die.
- I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel.
- Fat Insults59
When you stepped on the scale I thought my phone number popped up.
- You're so fat you get clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us!
- I know five fat people, and you're three of them.
- Nerd Insults16
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons, and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
- Your IQ involves the square root of -1.
- You know you're a bad gamer when you're able to run out of infinite lives.
- Relationship Insults29
You're like the first slice of bread in the bag. Everyone touches you, but nobody really wants you.
- Roses are red, Violets are blue, Garbage is dumped, And so are you.
- If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember.. Nobody loves you on the other days of the year either.
Just added
New insults land every morning. Here they are, newest first.
(After a ginger sings) That was great! It just needed a little more soul...
0If you ran for office, your own mum would vote for the other guy.
0I don't think you're one to talk, whilst you appear to be two KFC family buckets away from upsetting the planet's rotational axis.
0Person 1: Suck my dick. Person 2: Sorry, I choke on small objects.
0You'd lose an election to a ham sandwich, and the sandwich didn't even campaign.
0Yo momma's so disgusting, when she worked at the sperm bank she got fired for drinking on the job.
-1You're so poor, the only time you ever had meat for dinner was when you bit your tongue.
1You're like a politician's promise: loud, confident and completely empty.
1You're so boring, paint watches you dry.
0If you are what you eat, then you're fast, cheap and easy.
0You're so two-faced you could run both campaigns.
1Insult: Make me a sammich! Comeback: I'll make you a footlong when you grow a foot long!
0You are proof that mouths can get diarrhea.
1If brains were votes, you'd lose your deposit.
1The apple doesn't fall far from the tree in your family. It can't, there are no branches.
0You: I just had my first kiss today. Friend: Your mom doesn't count. You: Yeah, but yours does.
0You'd need a recount to find a single good idea in your head.
1Why is Harry Potter unrealistic? A ginger has two friends.
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