Funny Insults and Comebacks

Yo momma's so dumb, she thought a quarterback was a refund.

Have you ever woken up from a sex dream and still felt horny? Cool, that's pretty much how your girlfriend feels after real sex.

I would tell you to go fuck yourself but I'm pretty sure you'd be disappointed.

Since you know it all, you should know when to shut the fuck up.

Bitch please, don't be proud if every guy wants you. Cheap items have many buyers.

I think "dildo" is a perfectly acceptable insult. I'd call you a dick, but you're not real enough.

You're as useless as a ham sandwich at a Barmitzvah.

You're so fat, when you went to space, there was no space left.

I know five fat people, and you're three of them.

You're so bald, when you take a shower you get brainwashed.

I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.

At least when I wear makeup, it doesn't look like a box of crayons puked on me.

Playstation and Xbox are down? Quick call an ambulance! WII U WII U WII U WII U.

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you had enough oxygen at birth?

Common sense is like deodorant; the people that need it the most, never use it.

You're not worth it. You can't put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.

You're about as useless as a vibrator with no batteries.

I would kick you in the balls if you had any.

You should donate blood. All of it!

Yo momma's like a library, she's always open to the public.