Mean Insults

Sometimes situations warrant extra mean insults and comebacks. Fire back at the haters with these mean insults and retorts.

  • You should donate blood. All of it!
  • If I wanted a friend like you, I'd buy a dog.
  • I can't tell if you're on too many drugs or not enough.
  • Bitch, you're like summer; no class.
  • Twinkle twinkle little star,
    I want to hit you with my car,
    Throw you off a cliff so high,
    I hope you break your neck and die.
  • I failed a spelling test because they asked me how to spell 'bitch' and I wrote down your name.
  • I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the garbage.
  • You're not my cup of tea, mainly because I don't like huge pieces of shit in my tea.
  • Exactly how many times did your mother get drunk and drop you on the head as a child again? Must have been a lot, I'll tell you that.
  • "When I think about you, I touch myself."
    Meaning I rub my temples, because you give me a fucking headache.
  • Oh I love what you've done with your hair! How did you get it to stick out of your nostrils like that?
  • I hope you have life insurance, you're gonna need it.
  • After meeting you, I've decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest.
  • Your face is like porn for my hand; whenever you appear, my middle finger goes upwards.
  • Some people are like slinkies; they're really good for nothing, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
  • It's called FUCK OFF and it's located over there.
  • Before I met you I thought God didn't make mistakes, but I guess I was wrong.
  • Your mum and dad hated you so much, your bath toys were an iron and a toaster.
  • I'm not saying I hate you, but if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd probably be the one driving it.
  • When you were younger, did your parents have to tie a steak around your neck so the other dogs would play with you?