Best Insults and Comebacks

Some babies were dropped on their heads but you were clearly thrown at a wall.

Insult: FAIL! Comeback: Nobody asked for your life story.

Insult: You're jealous! Comeback: Yes, I'm jealous of people who don't know you.

You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

Person 1: What are you looking at? Person 2: That's what I'm trying to figure out

Insult: You're a fail. Comeback: So was your dad's condom.

Bitch please. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

Bitch please! Your legs spread faster than Ebola.

I'd slap you, but that would be animal abuse.

Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, but what the hell happened to you!?

I hate it when ugly people say "I need my beauty sleep." Bitch, you need to hibernate.

Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

She spread a rumor about me? Never mind, at least she spread something other than her legs.

Hey, unless your name is Google, stop acting like you f*cking know everything.

Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.

I failed a spelling test because they asked me how to spell 'bitch' and I wrote down your name.

I'm not saying I hate you, but if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd probably be the one driving it.

I would love to insult you, but I'm afraid I won't do as well as nature did.

Roses are red, monsters are green, look in the mirror, you'll see what I mean.

Twinkle twinkle little whore, close your legs, they're not a door.