Best Insults and Comebacks

I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.

I guess those penis enlargement pills are working - you're twice the dick you were yesterday!

Can I take your picture? I love to collect photos of natural disasters.

At least when I do a handstand my stomach doesn't hit me in the face.

Roses are red, shit is brown, shut the fuck up, and sit the fuck down.

Your ass must be jealous of all the shit that comes out your mouth.

You're like a cloud; once you fuck off, it's a beautiful day.

Your mother was arrested for littering every time she dropped you off at school.

Twinkle Twinkle little slut, Name a guy you haven't f*cked, Was he skinny, was he tall, Nevermind you did them all.

Bacon is bacon, eggs are eggs, don't let guys between your legs, they say you're cute, they say you're fine, nine months later they say not mine.

Girls who claim that a lot of guys are after them should keep in mind that low prices always attract many customers.

Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.

Your dick belongs in your pants, not in your personality.

I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the garbage.

I see you were so impressed with your first chin that you added two more.

Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you'll find a brain back there.

Of course I talk like an idiot, how else could you understand me?

I'm the type of person to laugh at mistakes so sorry if I laugh at your face.

Insult: Suck my dick. Comeback: Get one first!

Bitch, please could I wipe 90% of your beauty off with a wet Kleenex.