Best Insults and Comebacks

You fell from the top of the slut tree, and banged every guy on the way down.

Person: What are you looking at? Comeback: Your dad's incorrect use of a condom.

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.

You've got more dick in your personality than you have in your pants.

I'm not saying you're a slut, but your vagina has been used more than Google.

Oh, interesting. Let me just write that on my list of things that I don't give a shit about.

You're so skinny, you swallowed a meatball and thought you were pregnant.

I'm not saying I hate you, but if you were on fire, I'd sit down and pull out the marshmallows.

You should put a diaper on your face because that's where all the shit is coming out of.

I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.

Yo momma's so fat, she downloads cheats for Wii Fit.

Insult: You're a piece of shit. Comeback: And you're the paper that wipes it.

Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.

I'm not saying you're a whore, but if dicks had wings, your mouth would be an airport.

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

Yo momma's so poor, I saw her chasing the garbage truck with a shopping list.

Two things: 1. Where have you been all my life? 2. Can you please go back there?

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you.

Yo momma so fat, the only letters of the alphabet she knows are "KFC"

Person: What are you looking at? You: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, IT TALKS!!!