Random Wife Insults

Marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night; first the ring, THEN you wake up.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.

I wish our marriage certificate came with an expiry date.

Guy 1: Why are you so fat? Guy 2: Everytime I make love to your wife, she gives me a pizza.

Ex: You'll never find someone like me. You: That's the point.

You're like a tornado; you moan like hell when you come and you take the house when you leave.

I'll hit you so hard your wife will fall!

Yo momma's so fat that her husband is called the whale rider.