Comeback Insults

Person: Haven't I seen you some place before? You: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology.

Insult: You're gay. Comeback: Well I'm straighter than the pole you dance on.

Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.

Insult: You're stupid. Comback: Just like your Dad when he thought he wouldn't need a condom.

Insult: You're a piece of shit. Comeback: And you're the paper that wipes it.

Quick, check your face! I just found your nose in my business.

Insult: Suck my dick. Comeback: Get one first!

Life is but a game, and let me tell you, you suck at it.

Glad you think I give a fuck but sorry, no such luck.

Listen, moron. If you're going to try and insult me, at least be grammatically correct. I'm too busy mentally correcting your errors to be offended.

There may be two sides to every story, but you're still a douche in both of them.

No wonder you have such a shitty view of the world with how far your head is stuck up your ass.

Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement.

What goes around, comes around but I hope it hits you twice as fucking hard!

Insult: Suck my dick! Response: Sorry, I don't suck small things.

If you've got a problem take it up with my ass, because that's the only one that gives a crap!

I may love to shop but I'm not buying your bullshit.

You're spreading rumors about me? At least you found a hobby spreading something other than your legs.

Is your ass jelous of how much shit comes out of your mouth?