Comeback Insults

Roses are red, shit is brown, shut the fuck up, and sit the fuck down.

And what are YOU? The mascot for this country's mental retardation department?

Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology.

Person: Does this dress make me look fat? You: No, your fat makes you look fat.

I want you to know that someone out there cares. Not me, but someone does.

If you have ever been to a zoo, you obviously have not seen the animal you are...

Person: Haven't I seen you some place before? You: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

If I were a bird, you'd be the first person I'd shit on.

I may love to shop but I'm not buying your bullshit.

No wonder you have such a shitty view of the world with how far your head is stuck up your ass.

If I wanted a bitch I would have went straight to your mom.

I'm being treated like shit, so I must be dealing with an asshole

Wow, who pissed in your cornflakes this morning?

Go suck yourself off, no-one else will.

Insult: You're ugly! Comeback: Sorry, I stole your face.

Nobody would miss you if your dad had put you in a tissue.

You have your head so far up your ass, you can chew your food twice.

Insult: Have your balls dropped yet? You: Yeah, in your mom's mouth!

Person: My Parents are dead... Me: Yeah, I'd kill myself too if I had a kid like you.

My name's not dick so keep it out of your mouth.