Comeback Insults

If I wanted shit from you, I'd squeeze your head.

You make me wish I was born with more middle fingers.

I don't see any penises in the general vicinity... So I'm wondering why you keep opening your fucking mouth.

I'm sorry dear, but in order for you to insult me, I must first value your opinion. Nice try though.

I don't remember asking you for your opinion, but since we're sharing how we feel... I think you should go fuck yourself.

Oh, interesting. Let me just write that on my list of things that I don't give a shit about.

I poured my heart to you and you reply "oh lol." Bitch, I hope you get hit by a bus so I can be like... "oh lol."

No, no, sweetie. You're not 'THE shit'. You're a PIECE of shit. There's a world of difference.

I was hoping for a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed.

I knew pussies had lips, but I didn't know they could talk.

Life's a bitch. Oh no, wait. That's you.

The problem with you is that you lack the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

Nice "cumback", did you scrape it from the back of your throat?

I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure that the Earth revolves around the Sun and not you.

I guess those penis enlargement pills are working - you're twice the dick you were yesterday!

Come back and talk to me when your I.Q. exceeds your age.

Oh, what was that? I couldn't hear you with all your shit clogging up my ear!

Quick, check your face! I just found your nose in my business.

You know what's funny? Not you, so shut up.

There may be two sides to every story, but you're still a douche in both of them.