Asshole Insults

I'm no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one.

You're the dick you'll never have.

Don't feel too special, I'm only keeping your number in my phone so I know not to answer when you call.

Pretty sure you were conceived through anal sex. There is no way being that much of an asshole is natural.

Some people bring happiness wherever they go; you bring happiness whenever you go.

Did someone order a cunt? Because one's just showed up.

A douche bag of your magnitude could cleanse a whale's vagina.

I'm being treated like shit, so I must be dealing with an asshole

Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results. Good news, they found your head!

I'd slap you but shit splatters.

Stop trying to be a smartass. You're just an ass.

Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

Want some lip stick? I think you will need it when you kiss my ass.

If bullshit could bounce, you'd be in fucking orbit.

For a man with no cows, you've got an awful lot of bullshit.

If I were a bird, you'd be the first person I'd shit on.

You're not worth it. You can't put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.

You have your head so far up your ass, you can chew your food twice.

If I wanted an ass's opinion I would have asked my donkey.

I'm no gynecologist, but I know a cunt when I see one.