Asshole Insults

You're not worth it. You can't put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.

Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.

Insult: You're a pussy. Comeback: Well, you are what you eat. Guess that makes you a dick.

Aww, what happened? Did you wish for a big dick and become one instead?

If I wanted shit from you, I'd squeeze your head.

You make me wish I was born with more middle fingers.

Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.

Two things: 1. Where have you been all my life? 2. Can you please go back there?

Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results. Good news, they found your head!

No, no, sweetie. You're not 'THE shit'. You're a PIECE of shit. There's a world of difference.

I guess those penis enlargement pills are working - you're twice the dick you were yesterday!

Do you mean to mumble or is your mouth just naturally full of shit?

By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you blocked and deleted. You may now kiss my ass.

I can't understand you with all the shit coming out of your mouth.

I'm sorry, but I couldn't think of a non-insulting way to describe you.

A douche bag of your magnitude could cleanse a whale's vagina.

I hope one day, you choke on the shit you talk.

If being an asshole were against the law, you'd get the chair and I'd throw the switch.

The jerk store called, they're running out of YOU!

Your ass must be jealous of all the shit that comes out your mouth.