Asshole Insults

I would love to insult you, but I'm afraid I won't do as well as nature did.

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

No wonder you have such a shitty view of the world with how far your head is stuck up your ass.

I'm being treated like shit, so I must be dealing with an asshole

If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb up your ego and jump to your IQ.

Don't feel too special, I'm only keeping your number in my phone so I know not to answer when you call.

Get off, you malignant growth!

When God put teeth in your mouth, he ruined a perfectly good arsehole.

I'm not saying I hate you, but if you were on fire, I'd sit down and pull out the marshmallows.

You have your head so far up your ass, you can chew your food twice.

Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.

I wouldn't fuck you for practice.

I don't hate you, but I wish your dad used a condom.

I get so emotional when you're not around. That emotion is called happiness.

I'm no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one.

Stop trying to be a smartass. You're just an ass.

Pretty sure you were conceived through anal sex. There is no way being that much of an asshole is natural.

If I were a bird, you'd be the first person I'd shit on.

You're like a cloud; once you fuck off, it's a beautiful day.

You've got more dick in your personality than you have in your pants.