Best Good Comebacks

Life is but a game, and let me tell you, you suck at it.

There may be two sides to every story, but you're still a douche in both of them.

I knew pussies had lips, but I didn't know they could talk.

Insult: You're gay! You: You wish.

Every time I'm next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone.

Insult: Bitch! Comeback: At least I'm not yours.

If I would like to hear from an asshole, I'd fart!

I have heard snappier comebacks from a bowl of rice crispies!

I want you to know that someone out there cares. Not me, but someone does.

If shit took a look at you it would say hi mom.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Quick, check your face! I just found your nose in my business.

Pretty sure you were conceived through anal sex. There is no way being that much of an asshole is natural.

I don't go strip club and tell your Mom how to do her job, so don't tell me how to do mine.

Oh, I'm with a whore too, and by the way your Mom says hi. :)

I would tell you to go fuck yourself but I'm pretty sure you'd be disappointed.

Listen, moron. If you're going to try and insult me, at least be grammatically correct. I'm too busy mentally correcting your errors to be offended.

If I toss a stick, will you go away?

You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.

The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza.