Best Good Comebacks

If you ran as much as your mouth did, you'd be in good shape

Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

You talk so much shit, I'm starting to smell it on your breath.

Since you know it all, you should know when to shut the fuck up.

Cool story bro, now when's the part when I give a fuck?

Insult: YOU SUCK! Comeback: AND YOU SWALLOW!

Person: You are what you eat. Comeback: Perhaps that's why you're such a dick.

If you've got a problem take it up with my ass, because that's the only one that gives a crap!

Do you mean to mumble or is your mouth just naturally full of shit?

*Sneeze* Oh, excuse me! I'm allergic to bullshit.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, When they gave out lives, Where were you?

Person 1: Can't you take a joke? Person 2: Yeah, I could. If you had one.

Man, I bet you were up all night, working on that one.

Insult: Why do you even wear a bra? You don't have anything to put in it. Comeback: You wear pants, don't you?

I don't remember asking you for your opinion, but since we're sharing how we feel... I think you should go fuck yourself.

I'd give a fuck, but I already gave it to your mother last night.

Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology.

Shock me, say something intelligent.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

I don't see any penises in the general vicinity... So I'm wondering why you keep opening your fucking mouth.