Best Good Comebacks

Insult: You're a piece of shit. Comeback: And you're the paper that wipes it.

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

Bully: You're stupid! Comeback: So was you Dad when he thought he didn't need a condom.

If your gonna be two faced, honey at least make one of them pretty.

You should wear a condom on your head because if you're gonna act like a dick you might as well dress like one!

Wipe your mouth, there's still a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips.

By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you blocked and deleted. You may now kiss my ass.

Bully: Give me your money! Victim: I would, but I gotta pay your mom for last night.

Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.

You're just mad 'cause your mom has a bigger dick than you.

Insult: Suck my dick! Comeback: Why take the job away from your mother?

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and SHIT a better argument than that.

Person: Haven't I seen you some place before? You: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

I hope one day, you choke on the shit you talk.

I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure that the Earth revolves around the Sun and not you.

No wonder you have such a shitty view of the world with how far your head is stuck up your ass.

You know what's funny? Not you, so shut up.

If you have a problem with me, please kindly write it on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it up, and put it in your ass.

I think I have Alzheimer's because I can't remember when I asked for your opinion.

Insult: Fail! Comeback: Just like your social life