Good Comebacks

Don't like my sarcasm? Well, I don't like your stupid.

Excuse me, I can't hear you over the sound of how wrong you are.

I don't know which face to talk to, since you have two.

Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.

You're so uptight, if I stuck a piece of coal up your ass, within a week it would be a diamond.

If I gave a shit, it would be on your face.

Insult: You suck. Comeback: Not for free.

Stop trying to be a smartass. You're just an ass.

Pretty sure you were conceived through anal sex. There is no way being that much of an asshole is natural.

You've got more dick in your personality than you have in your pants.

Some people bring happiness wherever they go; you bring happiness whenever you go.

Butt and ugly decided to have a kid. Guess what? You're the result.

Insult: Suck my dick. Comeback: Get one first!

*Sneeze* Oh, excuse me! I'm allergic to bullshit.

Cool story bro, now when's the part when I give a fuck?

Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement.

I don't go strip club and tell your Mom how to do her job, so don't tell me how to do mine.

Insult: You're gay. Comeback : Bitch, I'm straighter than the pole your mother danced on last night.

And what are YOU? The poster boy for birth control?

I would insult you back, but mother nature already has for me.