Good Comebacks

Know what makes me laugh hard? Your life!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, When they gave out lives, Where were you?

Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology.

I want you to know that someone out there cares. Not me, but someone does.

Person: Haven't I seen you some place before? You: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

I may love to shop but I'm not buying your bullshit.

No wonder you have such a shitty view of the world with how far your head is stuck up your ass.

If I wanted a bitch I would have went straight to your mom.

I'm being treated like shit, so I must be dealing with an asshole

Wow, who pissed in your cornflakes this morning?

Twinkle twinkle little whore, close your legs, they're not a door.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, PornHub is down, Your mother's Facebook will do.

I'd try being nicer if you try being smarter.

You have your head so far up your ass, you can chew your food twice.

Insult: Have your balls dropped yet? You: Yeah, in your mom's mouth!

My name's not dick so keep it out of your mouth.

Fucked your mom last night. Comeback: I didn't know my mom was a lesbian!

I don't care what you think about me. I don't think about you at all.

I'm not ignoring you. I'm just holding my breath hoping that I pass out.

I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.