Good Comebacks

Person: What are you looking at?
Comeback: Your dad's incorrect use of a condom.

Listen, moron. If you're going to try and insult me, at least be grammatically correct. I'm too busy mentally correcting your errors to be offended.

The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza.

I can't understand you with all the shit coming out of your mouth.

If you have a problem with me, please kindly write it on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it up, and put it in your ass.

Hey, unless your name is Google, stop acting like you f*cking know everything.

I hope one day, you choke on the shit you talk.

Bully: You're stupid!
Comeback: So was you Dad when he thought he didn't need a condom.

If I toss a stick, will you go away?

Bully: Give me your money!
Victim: I would, but I gotta pay your mom for last night.

If being an asshole were against the law, you'd get the chair and I'd throw the switch.

The jerk store called, they're running out of YOU!

Your ass must be jealous of all the shit that comes out your mouth.

I'd give a fuck, but I already gave it to your mother last night.

Of course I talk like an idiot, how else could you understand me?

I would love to insult you, but I'm afraid I won't do as well as nature did.

Off is the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.

Roses are red, shit is brown, shut the fuck up, and sit the fuck down.

And what are YOU? The mascot for this country's mental retardation department?

Know what makes me laugh hard? Your life!