Good Comebacks

In need of a witty comeback? Check out these good comebacks and you'll be ready for any insult that may come your way!

  • Oh, interesting. Let me just write that on my list of things that I don't give a shit about.
  • I poured my heart to you and you reply "oh lol." Bitch, I hope you get hit by a bus so I can be like... "oh lol."
  • Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results. Good news, they found your head!
  • No, no, sweetie. You're not 'THE shit'. You're a PIECE of shit. There's a world of difference.
  • I knew pussies had lips, but I didn't know they could talk.
  • Life's a bitch. Oh no, wait. That's you.
  • The problem with you is that you lack the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
  • I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure that the Earth revolves around the Sun and not you.
  • I guess those penis enlargement pills are working - you're twice the dick you were yesterday!
  • Oh, what was that? I couldn't hear you with all your shit clogging up my ear!
  • Quick, check your face! I just found your nose in my business.
  • My intense desire to unfriend you is outweighed by the enjoyment I feel gawking at the huge trainwreck that is your life.
  • You know what's funny? Not you, so shut up.
  • There may be two sides to every story, but you're still a douche in both of them.
  • Insult: Why do you even wear a bra? You don't have anything to put in it.
    Comeback: You wear pants, don't you?
  • If you didn't see it with your own eyes or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!
  • Do you mean to mumble or is your mouth just naturally full of shit?
  • By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you blocked and deleted. You may now kiss my ass.
  • Insult: Suck my dick!
    Comeback: Why take the job away from your mother?
  • Person: You are what you eat.
    Comeback: Perhaps that's why you're such a dick.