Good Comebacks

I Googled "Who Gives a Shit?" My name wasn't in the results.

Please cancel my subscription. I've had enough of your issues.

If I wanted shit from you, I'd squeeze your head.

I don't see any penises in the general vicinity... So I'm wondering why you keep opening your fucking mouth.

I'm sorry dear, but in order for you to insult me, I must first value your opinion. Nice try though.

I don't remember asking you for your opinion, but since we're sharing how we feel... I think you should go fuck yourself.

Oh, interesting. Let me just write that on my list of things that I don't give a shit about.

I poured my heart to you and you reply "oh lol." Bitch, I hope you get hit by a bus so I can be like... "oh lol."

Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results. Good news, they found your head!

No, no, sweetie. You're not 'THE shit'. You're a PIECE of shit. There's a world of difference.

I knew pussies had lips, but I didn't know they could talk.

Life's a bitch. Oh no, wait. That's you.

I'm not an astronomer, but I'm pretty sure that the Earth revolves around the Sun and not you.

I guess those penis enlargement pills are working - you're twice the dick you were yesterday!

Oh, what was that? I couldn't hear you with all your shit clogging up my ear!

Quick, check your face! I just found your nose in my business.

You know what's funny? Not you, so shut up.

There may be two sides to every story, but you're still a douche in both of them.

Insult: Why do you even wear a bra? You don't have anything to put in it. Comeback: You wear pants, don't you?

If you didn't see it with your own eyes or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!