Best Casual Insults

Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.

Two things: 1. Where have you been all my life? 2. Can you please go back there?

If you're talking about me behind my back, that just means my life is obviously more interesting than yours.

If I were a dog and you were a flower I'd lift my leg up and give you a shower.

Poof be gone, your breath is too strong, I don't wanna be mean, but you need listerine, not a sip, not a swallow, but the whole friggin' bottle.

Common sense is like deodorant; the people that need it the most, never use it.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I can honestly say, it sucks to be you.

Twinkle twinkle little snitch, Mind your own business you nosy bitch.

How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

Somebody call animal control! There's a stray bitch running around!

How many times do I have to flush to get rid of you?

I get so emotional when you're not around. That emotion is called happiness.

You make me wish I was born with more middle fingers.

If I were a bird, you'd be the first person I'd shit on.

You remind me of a penny; you're two-faced, worthless and CRUSTY AS HELL!

Someday you'll go far... and I hope you stay there.

It won't be the same without you. It will be better.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from you.

Wow! That's a lovely shade of ultra-bitch you're wearing today.

The zoo called. They are wondering how you got out of your cage.