Casual Insults

I really wish we were better strangers.

It won't be the same without you. It will be better.

If I were a bird, you'd be the first person I'd shit on.

Some people deserve to have eggs thrown at them... brick-shaped eggs... made of bricks.

I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won.

You: What is the difference between you and an apple?
Them: I don't know
You: The apple keeps the doctor away, but you keep everything away!

Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.

Bitch, please. You're as useless as the "ay" in "okay".

I get so emotional when you're not around. That emotion is called happiness.

If I were a bird, you'd be the first person I'd shit on.

I heard that you were a lady-killer. They take one look at you and die of shock.

Grip your ears firmly, and pull your head out of your ass.

You remind me of a penny; you're two-faced, worthless and CRUSTY AS HELL!

Somebody call animal control! There's a stray bitch running around!

I used to want a pet monkey, but that was before I met you.

If you're talking about me behind my back, that just means my life is obviously more interesting than yours.

I'd love to stay and chat, but to be honest I'd rather have type 2 diabetes.

I can't hear you with all that dick in your mouth.

Were you born an idiot or have you had to work at it?

You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent.