Best Insults and Comebacks

I don't hate you. I just hope your next period happens in a shark tank.

If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb up your ego and jump to your IQ.

You're so skinny, you probably wipe your ass with floss.

Fake nails, fake hair, fake smile. Bitch, are you sure you weren't made in China?

Your family tree must be a cactus because you're all pricks.

You're so fat you get clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us!

You are proof that God has a sense of humor.

Twinkle twinkle little snitch, Mind your own business you nosy bitch.

Not saying you're a slut, but if your vagina was a video game, it'd be rated E for everyone.

Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in a zoo, don't worry I will be there too, not in a cage but laughing at you!

You know what's funny? Not you, so shut up.

If you have a problem with me, please kindly write it on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it up, and put it in your ass.

Sorry for calling you a whore all those times. I didn't realize a lack of love from your parents leaves a hole in your heart only dicks can fill.

Your dick is like a landmine; small, hidden, and explodes on contact.

I know five fat people, and you're three of them.

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

I couldn't help but notice that "awesome" ends with "me", and "ugly" begins with "u".

You're so ugly, when you were born your mom said "What a treasure" and your dad said "Yea lets go bury it"!

I think I have Alzheimer's because I can't remember when I asked for your opinion.

Nothing happens after you die? False. Some of us will be throwing a party.