Best Insults and Comebacks

The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.

When God put teeth in your mouth, he ruined a perfectly good arsehole.

Yo momma's so fat, when she tries to get up in the morning she rocks herself to sleep.

Person: My Parents are dead... Me: Yeah, I'd kill myself too if I had a kid like you.

Are your parents siblings?

Yo Momma's so fat, she needs two husbands just to give her a hug.

You always have your ear to the ground. So how's life in the gutter?

Yo momma's so ugly, she turned Medusa to stone.

You asked for my number I said.. 1-800 Dream On !!

Insult: You're ugly! Comeback: Sorry, I stole your face.

Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

If you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a penny.

If I wanted shit from you, I'd squeeze your head.

Your make-up looks as if it was applied with a shotgun.

Yo momma so nasty, she did the splits and left stains on the carpet!

I want to reach your mind - where is it currently located?

I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.

You're so poor that if you didn't have a hard on when Christmas came, you wouldn't have anything to play with.

You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.

You're so stupid, I could count your brain cells on one hand.