Best Insults and Comebacks

I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest!

You're so fat if you weighed five more pounds, you could get group insurance!

No one should be punished for accident of birth but you look too much like a wreck not to be.

You're so ugly when you were born, your mother saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!"

I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.

Yo momma's so fat, she went in the cinema and sat next to everyone.

What's on your mind? If you'll forgive the overstatement.

I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving.

Yo momma like Betty Crocker icing: Always ready to spread.

You're such a turd, when you sat in the sandbox, the cats tried to bury you.

Did you hear they named a drink after Osama? It's called two shots and a splash.

Don't let my fist hit you on the way down.

You wanna know how I know you're an autobot? You have to "roll out" of everywhere you go.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

You cut me down I must confess but in your mouth my Dick will rest

Someone took a photo of you once, but it didn't turn out. You could be seen too clearly.

You: First one to the MOON! *Touches the Bald guy*

FOR THE LAST TIME! Your mother left here at 9 this morning... Leave me alone!

Yo momma's so fat, when she went on an aeroplane, it turned into a submarine.

Your Kid May Be An Honor Student But You're Still An Idiot.