Best Insults and Comebacks

Please cancel my subscription. I've had enough of your issues.

Your cock is so small, you could use it to floss teeth.

You're so ugly, that's why God created paper bags!

You should shower so the firemen don't chase you with a hose every day

I'll try and hide my enthusiasm. How am I doing?

Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? A. From a catalogue

How much was that chewbacca costume that your wearing?

Yo momma's so fat, she needs a wrist watch on both hands because she's in two different time zones!

Butt and ugly decided to have a kid. Guess what? You're the result.

If I had a dollar for everyone I'd met as beautiful as you, I'd be as poor as dirt.

I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.

You're so bald, United Airlines has asked for permission to land.

You're so fat, when you're single it's more like single and ready for a Pringle.

Off is the general direction in which I wish you would fuck.

Marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night; first the ring, THEN you wake up.

You're so skinny, you strap popsicle sticks to your feet to keep from going down the drain!

You only make 5 things; mistakes, ugly babies, cigarette ashes, bad sex and the shit coming out of your mouth.

Yo momma like a bubble gum machine: 25 cents a blow.

Have you ever woken up from a sex dream and still felt horny? Cool, that's pretty much how your girlfriend feels after real sex.

Yo momma's so dumb, she stuck a quarter in a parking meter and asked, "Where's my gumball?"