Best Insults and Comebacks

She's stroked more wood than a Furniture Polisher.

Person: Nice comeback! You: If I wanted my comeback , I'd go ask your mom.

You know what happens when you assume? You make an ASS out of U and ME

I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.

You're so slutty, Santa gonna be going "hoe, hoe, hoe".

Fucked your mom last night. Comeback: I didn't know my mom was a lesbian!

You're so poor you don't even have enough money to pay attention.

I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork.

Can I borrow your head for my rock garden?!

I heard that you were a lady-killer. They take one look at you and die of shock.

You're so ugly they know what time you were born, because your face stopped the clock!

Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.

When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.

You're so ugly if my dog looked like you, I'd shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards!

We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there?

You're so stupid, you went to the dentist to get bluetooth.

Yo momma's so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

It isn't that I'm not a people person, I'm just not a stupid people person.

Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic.

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow