Best Insults and Comebacks

I would slap you, but I don't want to make your face look any better.

No one asked me how my day was. Person says: How was your day? You: Like your mom's penis, long and hard

You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse!

Your boyfriend hasn't gotten sick from eating your tuna every night?

I'm polymerized tree sap, you're an inorganic adhesive. Any verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off me, returns to it's original trajectory and adheres to you.

Yo momma's so poor i stepped through her front door and fell out the back.

Yo momma's so fat, her belt is the equator.

You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning.

I used to want a pet monkey, but that was before I met you.

Your house smells so bad that no one would notice if you farted.

I don't care what you think about me. I don't think about you at all.

Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one.

I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.

You're so stupid, you flunked nap time in kindergarten.

Your mom's so slutty, her pants have a droprate of 100%.

The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

You are the answer to my prayer!! I prayed to find out if things could get worse!!

You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick.

I heard you went to a freak show and got in free!

If pro is the opposite of con, what would be the opposite of progress?