Best Insults and Comebacks

What's that shit on your neck? Oh, it's your face!

I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

i heard that your mom was driving in the junkyard looking for a place to dispose of you quickly

Did you change your mind? Your other one was clearly broken.

You're so full of shit your breath stinks!

I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won.

Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

Yo momma's so ugly, when she looked out the window, she was arrested for indecent exposure

You are pretty as a picture and we'd love to hang you.

You're so ugly, you make onions cry.

You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough.

Your grandfather is so old, when he went to school, history was current events.

I want to call you stupid, but that isn't enough.

Quick! Somebody kill it before it multiplies!

Yo momma's so fat she has her own zip code.

I wish our marriage certificate came with an expiry date.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

Life without douchebags is a life without you. Because you can account for all of them.

How were you born? Your dad has no balls!

You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jay-walking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change.