Best Insults and Comebacks

Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.

It's impossible to believe that the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

Insult: You ruined it. Comeback: Your ass ruined where your face was supposed to go.

Insult: Why are you so stupid? Comeback: Because I'm related to you!

We all spring from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.

Yo momma's like a chicken coop; cocks flying in and out all day!

The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you.

Last time I saw a face like yours, I wiped it clean after taking a shit.

You're just like a vacuum cleaner, you suck things up but you don't spit out.

You sound reasonable.. Time to up the medication.

Your so old your farts turn to dust.

Yo momma's so fat that when she jumped for joy she got stuck!

Yo momma's so stupid she put lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind!

Yo momma's so fat that when she wears a yellow raincoat, people yell "TAXI!"

"Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one." Winston Churchill's response to George Bernard Shaw

Last time I heard that I was laughing so hard, I fell off my dinosaur

You're so short that when you sit down on the sidewalk your feet dangle!

Oh, what was that? I couldn't hear you with all your shit clogging up my ear!

Your face is like porn for my hand; whenever you appear, my middle finger goes upwards.

Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?