Best Insults and Comebacks

My name's not dick so keep it out of your mouth.

Yo momma so poor, then when I ring the doorbell, she sticks her head out the window and yells "DING DONG!"

Yo house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside.

I would say you look like a monkey but that would insult them.

If you want a good comeback go wipe it off your Mom's face.

You are so fat NASA orbits satellites around you.

Bitch, please. You're as useless as the "ay" in "okay".

You've had more wieners than Heinz Ketchup.

Yo momma's so stupid, she bought tickets to XBOX LIVE.

Can I borrow your brain? I'm building an idiot.

Yo mama is like Home Depot, 5 cents a screw.

Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?

Sorry, can't put small objects in my mouth or I'll choke

You look like a dildo. If I paint you pink and shove batteries up your ass will you vibrate?

Before I met you I thought God didn't make mistakes, but I guess I was wrong.

You asked for my number and I said 1-800 kiss my ass

Some people bring happiness wherever they go; you bring happiness whenever you go.

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." Groucho Marx

I'm sorry, but I couldn't think of a non-insulting way to describe you.

I would have been your dad but your dog beat me to it.