Best Insults and Comebacks

I've been called worse by better.

At least when I wear makeup, it doesn't look like a box of crayons puked on me.

You hear that? That's the sound of your balls not dropping.

Your so dumb you spent two weeks in a revolving door looking for a door knob!

The grass is always greener on the other side because it is fertilized with bullshit.

Yo Momma so old her birth certificate said expired

Yo momma went to the doctors to get weighed and he said 'I want your weight, not your phone number.'

You're like a vacuum cleaner; you suck and blow.

I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.

I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, I could only respect you if you WERE dead.

You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.

Did you know they used to be called "Jumpolines" until your mom jumped on one?

How's My Driving? Dial 1-800-EAT SHIT

When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?

Yo momma is like a bowling ball she gets picked up fingered and thrown in the gutter and still comes back for more

Why don't you just tie the mattress to your back?

Yo momma's's so fat she got tired climing the escalater.

KFC banned you for having a bigger bucket than them.

Yo momma's so stupid, she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

You're so skinny that you use Chapstick as deodorant.