Best Insults and Comebacks

I can't understand you with all the shit coming out of your mouth.

Trust me, not even make-up can make you look good... unless it's Halloween.

Yo momma's so fat, when she took a trip to Africa, all the male hippos tried to mate with her.

I'm sorry, I don't talk to animals

Insult: Suck my dick! Response: Sorry, I don't suck small things.

The difference between your mom and a rooster? The rooster says cock-a-doodle doo, your mom says any-cock'll-do.

Yo momma's is just like a rooster the rooster goes cockadoodledo and Yo momma's goes AnyCockllDo!

Yo momma is like a sniper rifle; 10 cocks and she is loaded.

If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.

You're so bald, when you wear a turtle neck, you look like roll on deodrant!

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

The zoo called. They are wondering how you got out of your cage.

You're so skinny, you can dodge rain drops.

Does your face hurt? It's killing me!

"I would have been your daddy, but a dog beat me over the fence." - Sergeant Johnson.

She's been up and down more times than a whore's drawers.

I'm being treated like shit, so I must be dealing with an asshole

Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement.