Best Insults and Comebacks

I have an idea! Why don't you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself?

Yo Momma's so poor burglars break into her home and leave money.

You're so bald, that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.

You're such a nerd that your penis probably plugs into a flash drive.

Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs.

Yo momma's so stupid she put 25 cents in the parking meter and waited for a gumball to pop out.

So a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

It won't be the same without you. It will be better.

You're so fat, you could sell shade!

Don't let your mind wander. It's way to small to be outside by itself!

I'm not saying that you're a slut, but I see that your favorite shade of lipstick is penis.

You're so fat, when you get into row boat it becomes a submarine.

A douche bag of your magnitude could cleanse a whale's vagina.

You're so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mother!

Listen, moron. If you're going to try and insult me, at least be grammatically correct. I'm too busy mentally correcting your errors to be offended.

You're so stupid when you saw someone rob your TV you ran after them saying you forgot the remote.

If I toss a stick, will you go away?

You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you.

Your ass is so fat, your asshole is mistaken for the blackhole.

I would have been your dad, but the guy in front of me had exact change.