Best Insults and Comebacks

I Googled "Who Gives a Shit?" My name wasn't in the results.

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world!

I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.

Your face could turn Medusa to stone.

When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral, but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.

If ugly were a crime, you'd get a life sentence.

Insult: You Failed! Comeback: Yeah, so did your mom's abortion. :)

You're the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you.

Bitch, I don't want your boyfriend. Nobody wants your boyfriend; that's why he's with you!

I'm not saying you're stupid, I'm just saying you've got bad luck when it comes to thinking.

Have you been shopping lately? They are selling lives at the mall - you should get one.

Hey, that was quite a mouthful, but I guess you're used to that sort of thing.

I've been told that inside every fat person, there's someone beautiful... I'm just wondering who the hell you ate!?

Yo momma's so old, I told her to act her own age, and she died.

No offense, but you give away more pussy than an animal shelter.

Act your age, not your IQ.

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

If you want to get laid, crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!

You remind me of an unflushed toilet, so full of shit.

You're so skinny, you can hoola-hoop with Fruit loops