Best Insults and Comebacks

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

I'm gonna get you a condom. That way you can have protection when you go fuck yourself.

If you were a cookie, you'd be a Whoreo.

What's the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.

Interrupt my sleep and I'll interrupt your breathing.

They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.

Your momma's butt is so big, she got stopped at the airport for having 200 pounds of crack!

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

You're so short that you would have to stand on a chair to reach puberty.

I don't see any penises in the general vicinity... So I'm wondering why you keep opening your fucking mouth.

I may love to shop but I'm not buying your bullshit.

Insult: Why are you so fat? Comeback: Because every time I fuck your mom she gives me a cookie.

I poured my heart to you and you reply "oh lol." Bitch, I hope you get hit by a bus so I can be like... "oh lol."

Roses are red, and bananas are yellow yo mama so fat she giggle like jellow.

You are so ugly, the last time you got a piece of ass was when your hand slipped through the toilet paper.

Roses are red, violets are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?

What have you ever done? Besides everyone.

You're so ugly, when you walk through a haunted house, you come out with a paycheck.

No, no, sweetie. You're not 'THE shit'. You're a PIECE of shit. There's a world of difference.

It looks like your face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork.