Best Insults and Comebacks

If incompetence were a policy, you'd win by a landslide.

You'd lose an election to a ham sandwich, and the sandwich didn't even campaign.

If you ran for office, your own mum would vote for the other guy.

Insult: You're such a bitch! Comeback: I'm a bitch?! Well, you're a whore, and frankly I'd like to be known for what I do rather than who I do.

Insult: Keep your mouth shut! Comeback: Keep your legs shut.

You: I just had my first kiss today. Friend: Your mom doesn't count. You: Yeah, but yours does.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree in your family. It can't, there are no branches.

Insult: Make me a sammich! Comeback: I'll make you a footlong when you grow a foot long!

If you are what you eat, then you're fast, cheap and easy.

You're so boring, paint watches you dry.

Person 1: Suck my dick. Person 2: Sorry, I choke on small objects.

Yo momma is like the Atlantic Ocean: she's big, smells like fish, and is full of seamen!

Oh, you're his girlfriend? Make sure you use protection... like a fire suit.

You: How tall are you? Them: [tells you their height] You: Gee, I didn't know they stacked shit that high.

Insult: Your mum's a slut. Comeback: Keep my mum out of this and I'll keep my dick out of yours.

He has a mind like a steel trap - always closed!

A 3.5-inch drive, but data on punch cards.