Best Relationship Insults

Bitch please. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

Bacon is bacon, eggs are eggs, don't let guys between your legs, they say you're cute, they say you're fine, nine months later they say not mine.

You're like the first slice of bread in the bag. Everyone touches you, but nobody really wants you.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Garbage is dumped, And so are you.

If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember.. Nobody loves you on the other days of the year either.

Ex: You'll never find someone like me. You: That's the point.

Don't feel too special, I'm only keeping your number in my phone so I know not to answer when you call.

What's the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.

They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.

It's men like you that make women gay.

I'll never forget the first time we met -- although, I'll keep trying.

If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.

Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs.

Your girlfriend is so ugly she went to a dog show. And won.

They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.

I heard you were dating my ex -- how do I taste?

Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date!

You want my ass? You had my ass. You let my ass walk away. The only ass left is your dumbass!