Best Relationship Insults

Find the perfect insult for your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband. List of insults and comebacks for relationships.

  • 1
    Bacon is bacon, eggs are eggs, don't let guys between your legs, they say you're cute, they say you're fine, nine months later they say not mine.
    1.1K
  • 2
    I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!
    926
  • 3
    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    Garbage is dumped,
    And so are you.
    474
  • 4
    Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

    One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
    355
  • 5
    You're just mad because your hair is straighter than you are.
    333
  • 6
    Wanna get laid? Just crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!
    328
  • 7
    You're like the first slice of bread in the bag. Everyone touches you, but nobody really wants you.
    287
  • 8
    It's men like you that make women gay.
    282
  • 9
    I'll never forget the first time we met -- although, I'll keep trying.
    261
  • 10
    If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
    247
  • 11
    Bitch please. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
    243
  • 12
    They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
    239
  • 13
    Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs.
    227
  • 14
    Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
    194
  • 15
    Your girlfriend is so ugly she went to a dog show. And won.
    180
  • 16
    Don't feel too special, I'm only keeping your number in my phone so I know not to answer when you call.
    160
  • 17
    Ex: You'll never find someone like me.
    You: That's the point.
    125
  • 18
    If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember.. Nobody loves you on the other days of the year either.
    121
  • 19
    They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.
    114
  • 20
    Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
    111