Random Relationship Insults

Find the perfect insult for your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband. List of insults and comebacks for relationships.

  • You're like the first slice of bread in the bag. Everyone touches you, but nobody really wants you.
    293
  • I wish our marriage certificate came with an expiry date.
    63
  • Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date!
    65
  • Marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night; first the ring, THEN you wake up.
    40
  • Bacon is bacon, eggs are eggs, don't let guys between your legs, they say you're cute, they say you're fine, nine months later they say not mine.
    1.1K
  • I heard you were dating my ex -- how do I taste?
    97
  • If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
    246
  • I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!
    928
  • Your boyfriend hasn't gotten sick from eating your tuna every night?
    58
  • It's men like you that make women gay.
    281
  • Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

    One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
    357
  • Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    Garbage is dumped,
    And so are you.
    482
  • I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
    40
  • I'll hit you so hard your wife will fall!
    -136
  • If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember.. Nobody loves you on the other days of the year either.
    124
  • Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
    195
  • Bitch please. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
    246
  • I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
    87
  • Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
    111
  • Here lies my wife: here let her lie !
    -107