Random Relationship Insults

Find the perfect insult for your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband. List of insults and comebacks for relationships.

  • Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs.
    238
  • Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

    One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
    375
  • Wanna get laid? Just crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!
    343
  • You want my ass? You had my ass. You let my ass walk away. The only ass left is your dumbass!
    142
  • I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!
    969
  • Your boyfriend hasn't gotten sick from eating your tuna every night?
    85
  • Ex: You'll never find someone like me.
    You: That's the point.
    165
  • I heard you were dating my ex -- how do I taste?
    111
  • He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
    37
  • You're like a tornado; you moan like hell when you come and you take the house when you leave.
    38
  • If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
    257
  • If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember.. Nobody loves you on the other days of the year either.
    155
  • Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date!
    79
  • Here lies my wife: here let her lie !
    -115
  • Bitch please. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
    289
  • I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
    81
  • I'll never forget the first time we met -- although, I'll keep trying.
    267
  • I'll hit you so hard your wife will fall!
    -175
  • Your girlfriend is so ugly she went to a dog show. And won.
    191
  • Marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night; first the ring, THEN you wake up.
    47