Random Relationship Insults

Find the perfect insult for your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband. List of insults and comebacks for relationships.

  • They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
    247
  • Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date!
    71
  • He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
    35
  • You're like a tornado; you moan like hell when you come and you take the house when you leave.
    32
  • You loud Dick-Lips.
    -163
  • I'll never forget the first time we met -- although, I'll keep trying.
    268
  • Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    Garbage is dumped,
    And so are you.
    516
  • Here lies my wife: here let her lie !
    -106
  • Marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night; first the ring, THEN you wake up.
    42
  • You're like the first slice of bread in the bag. Everyone touches you, but nobody really wants you.
    323
  • Don't feel too special, I'm only keeping your number in my phone so I know not to answer when you call.
    184
  • If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
    249
  • If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember.. Nobody loves you on the other days of the year either.
    137
  • Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
    210
  • Your girlfriend is so ugly she went to a dog show. And won.
    187
  • Bacon is bacon, eggs are eggs, don't let guys between your legs, they say you're cute, they say you're fine, nine months later they say not mine.
    1.1K
  • You want my ass? You had my ass. You let my ass walk away. The only ass left is your dumbass!
    118
  • Bitch please. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
    274
  • I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
    79
  • I wish our marriage certificate came with an expiry date.
    65