Random Relationship Insults

Find the perfect insult for your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband. List of insults and comebacks for relationships.

  • You're like the first slice of bread in the bag. Everyone touches you, but nobody really wants you.
    312
  • You're just mad because your hair is straighter than you are.
    341
  • Bitch please. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
    268
  • I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
    77
  • Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

    One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
    360
  • I'll hit you so hard your wife will fall!
    -149
  • Here lies my wife: here let her lie !
    -105
  • You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.We know that romance brings out the beast in you -- the jackass.
    69
  • Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
    206
  • I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
    89
  • Have you ever woken up from a sex dream and still felt horny? Cool, that's pretty much how your girlfriend feels after real sex.
    43
  • Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    Garbage is dumped,
    And so are you.
    506
  • I heard you were dating my ex -- how do I taste?
    102
  • Your girlfriend is so ugly she went to a dog show. And won.
    185
  • Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs.
    230
  • If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember.. Nobody loves you on the other days of the year either.
    130
  • You're like a tornado; you moan like hell when you come and you take the house when you leave.
    32
  • I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!
    943
  • I'll never forget the first time we met -- although, I'll keep trying.
    264
  • I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
    41