Random Relationship Insults

Find the perfect insult for your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband. List of insults and comebacks for relationships.

  • He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
    37
  • I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
    37
  • Don't feel too special, I'm only keeping your number in my phone so I know not to answer when you call.
    200
  • Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date!
    78
  • Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

    One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
    374
  • Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
    116
  • Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
    225
  • I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!
    968
  • It's men like you that make women gay.
    289
  • You want my ass? You had my ass. You let my ass walk away. The only ass left is your dumbass!
    142
  • Your boyfriend hasn't gotten sick from eating your tuna every night?
    83
  • I wish our marriage certificate came with an expiry date.
    72
  • You're like the first slice of bread in the bag. Everyone touches you, but nobody really wants you.
    345
  • If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember.. Nobody loves you on the other days of the year either.
    151
  • Ex: You'll never find someone like me.
    You: That's the point.
    162
  • Marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night; first the ring, THEN you wake up.
    47
  • They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.
    121
  • I'll hit you so hard your wife will fall!
    -170
  • If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
    255
  • You loud Dick-Lips.
    -175