Random Relationship Insults

Find the perfect insult for your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband. List of insults and comebacks for relationships.

  • You're like the first slice of bread in the bag. Everyone touches you, but nobody really wants you.
    287
  • Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date!
    65
  • Your girlfriend is so ugly she went to a dog show. And won.
    180
  • You're like a tornado; you moan like hell when you come and you take the house when you leave.
    25
  • Marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night; first the ring, THEN you wake up.
    40
  • You're just mad because your hair is straighter than you are.
    333
  • You want my ass? You had my ass. You let my ass walk away. The only ass left is your dumbass!
    90
  • Bacon is bacon, eggs are eggs, don't let guys between your legs, they say you're cute, they say you're fine, nine months later they say not mine.
    1.1K
  • He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
    36
  • If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
    247
  • I'll never forget the first time we met -- although, I'll keep trying.
    261
  • I wish our marriage certificate came with an expiry date.
    63
  • I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!
    926
  • Have you ever woken up from a sex dream and still felt horny? Cool, that's pretty much how your girlfriend feels after real sex.
    43
  • Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs.
    227
  • Bitch please. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
    243
  • If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember.. Nobody loves you on the other days of the year either.
    121
  • I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
    87
  • Your boyfriend hasn't gotten sick from eating your tuna every night?
    58
  • Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

    One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
    355