Random Relationship Insults

Find the perfect insult for your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband. List of insults and comebacks for relationships.

  • Don't feel too special, I'm only keeping your number in my phone so I know not to answer when you call.
    193
  • Wanna get laid? Just crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!
    339
  • They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.
    119
  • If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
    253
  • Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

    One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
    368
  • I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!
    962
  • Have you ever woken up from a sex dream and still felt horny? Cool, that's pretty much how your girlfriend feels after real sex.
    48
  • You're just mad because your hair is straighter than you are.
    351
  • I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
    93
  • You want my ass? You had my ass. You let my ass walk away. The only ass left is your dumbass!
    133
  • Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs.
    237
  • I wish our marriage certificate came with an expiry date.
    67
  • Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date!
    73
  • Ex: You'll never find someone like me.
    You: That's the point.
    157
  • Bacon is bacon, eggs are eggs, don't let guys between your legs, they say you're cute, they say you're fine, nine months later they say not mine.
    1.1K
  • You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist.
    -64
  • I'll hit you so hard your wife will fall!
    -169
  • Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
    113
  • It's men like you that make women gay.
    288
  • Marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night; first the ring, THEN you wake up.
    43