Random Relationship Insults

Find the perfect insult for your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband. List of insults and comebacks for relationships.

  • He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
    36
  • Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    Garbage is dumped,
    And so are you.
    458
  • You're like a tornado; you moan like hell when you come and you take the house when you leave.
    25
  • Don't feel too special, I'm only keeping your number in my phone so I know not to answer when you call.
    150
  • You want my ass? You had my ass. You let my ass walk away. The only ass left is your dumbass!
    83
  • They call it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.
    113
  • I heard you were dating my ex -- how do I taste?
    90
  • Wanna get laid? Just crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!
    326
  • I'll hit you so hard your wife will fall!
    -123
  • Marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night; first the ring, THEN you wake up.
    40
  • I wish our marriage certificate came with an expiry date.
    57
  • Have you ever woken up from a sex dream and still felt horny? Cool, that's pretty much how your girlfriend feels after real sex.
    39
  • They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
    235
  • You're like the first slice of bread in the bag. Everyone touches you, but nobody really wants you.
    281
  • If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
    244
  • Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

    One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
    351
  • I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
    75
  • I'll never forget the first time we met -- although, I'll keep trying.
    260
  • I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
    41
  • I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!
    920