Random Relationship Insults

Find the perfect insult for your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband. List of insults and comebacks for relationships.

  • Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs.
    229
  • Here lies my wife: here let her lie !
    -107
  • You're like a tornado; you moan like hell when you come and you take the house when you leave.
    29
  • They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
    242
  • You're just mad because your hair is straighter than you are.
    336
  • Wanna get laid? Just crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!
    333
  • It's men like you that make women gay.
    284
  • He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
    35
  • Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date!
    69
  • Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

    One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
    357
  • You are so two-faced that any woman who married you would be married to a bigamist.
    -54
  • Don't feel too special, I'm only keeping your number in my phone so I know not to answer when you call.
    164
  • Your boyfriend hasn't gotten sick from eating your tuna every night?
    64
  • I wish our marriage certificate came with an expiry date.
    63
  • You loud Dick-Lips.
    -140
  • Have you ever woken up from a sex dream and still felt horny? Cool, that's pretty much how your girlfriend feels after real sex.
    40
  • I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
    75
  • Bacon is bacon, eggs are eggs, don't let guys between your legs, they say you're cute, they say you're fine, nine months later they say not mine.
    1.1K
  • I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
    89
  • You want my ass? You had my ass. You let my ass walk away. The only ass left is your dumbass!
    105