Best Old People Insults

Funny insults and comebacks for old people. Make good banter with the elderly, such as grandparents and older relatives.

  • 1
    I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.
    192
  • 2
    Your so old your farts turn to dust.
    112
  • 3
    Your grandfather is so old, when he went to school, history was current events.
    98
  • 4
    You're so old you're birthday cake looks like a forest fire.
    96
  • 5
    Your grandfather is so old he remembers when the dead sea was just feeling ill.
    77
  • 6
    You're so old, the candles weigh more than the birthday cake.
    71
  • 7
    You're so old, the Three Wise Men helped you with your homework.
    63
  • 8
    You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you.
    42
  • 9
    You're so old, you left your purse on Noah's ark.
    37
  • 10
    You've got more wrinkles than an Elephant's scrotum.
    31
  • 11
    One more wrinkle and you'd pass for a prune.
    17
  • 12
    You're so old, you waited tables at the last supper.
    -8
  • 13
    You're so old, you've seen honey expire!
    -13
  • 14
    Yo momma's so old, she was the stripper at Jesus's bachelor party.
    -41
  • 15
    Hey, act your age -- senile!
    -56
  • 16
    The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
    -65
  • 17
    You're so old, I bet you're constipated!
    -189