Random Mean Insults

Sometimes situations warrant extra mean insults and comebacks. Fire back at the haters with these mean insults and retorts.

  • When you get run over by a car, it shouldn't be listed under accidents.
  • Exactly how many times did your mother get drunk and drop you on the head as a child again? Must have been a lot, I'll tell you that.
  • Your mother was arrested for littering every time she dropped you off at school.
  • You need to check yourself because what I'm seeing is not reality.
  • It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up.
  • Someone up there must have a sense of humor because you're a joke.
  • You only make 5 things; mistakes, ugly babies, cigarette ashes, bad sex and the shit coming out of your mouth.
  • When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral, but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.
  • Get off, you malignant growth!
  • Insult: Shut up.
    Comeback: Make me
    Comeback Insult: I don't make bullshit.
  • I'm not saying that I hate you, it's just when your mouth opens, I get an overwhelming urge wanting to rearrange your face with a shovel.
  • Some people are like slinkies; they're really good for nothing, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
  • Save the planet! Kill yourself!
  • Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I'll arrange it with the undertaker.
  • I'm not saying I hate you, but if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd probably be the one driving it.
  • It's called FUCK OFF and it's located over there.
  • If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.
  • You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you.
  • Quick! Somebody kill it before it multiplies!
  • Person: My Parents are dead...
    Me: Yeah, I'd kill myself too if I had a kid like you.