Random Mean Insults

When you get run over by a car, it shouldn't be listed under accidents.

Exactly how many times did your mother get drunk and drop you on the head as a child again? Must have been a lot, I'll tell you that.

Your mother was arrested for littering every time she dropped you off at school.

You need to check yourself because what I'm seeing is not reality.

It cost me five thousand dollars to look up your family history. A thousand to look it up and four thousand to hush it up.

Someone up there must have a sense of humor because you're a joke.

You only make 5 things; mistakes, ugly babies, cigarette ashes, bad sex and the shit coming out of your mouth.

When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral, but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.

Get off, you malignant growth!

Insult: Shut up.
Comeback: Make me
Comeback Insult: I don't make bullshit.

I'm not saying that I hate you, it's just when your mouth opens, I get an overwhelming urge wanting to rearrange your face with a shovel.

Some people are like slinkies; they're really good for nothing, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

Save the planet! Kill yourself!

Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I'll arrange it with the undertaker.

I'm not saying I hate you, but if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd probably be the one driving it.

It's called FUCK OFF and it's located over there.

If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.

You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you.

Quick! Somebody kill it before it multiplies!

Person: My Parents are dead...
Me: Yeah, I'd kill myself too if I had a kid like you.