Random Mean Insults

Sometimes situations warrant extra mean insults and comebacks. Fire back at the haters with these mean insults and retorts.

  • Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.
  • If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.
  • I'll hit you so hard you'll have to unzip your pants to say hi!
  • You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.
  • Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.
  • I would have been your dad but your dog beat me to it.
  • If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
  • Before I met you I thought God didn't make mistakes, but I guess I was wrong.
  • I'm not saying I hate you, but if you were on fire, I'd sit down and pull out the marshmallows.
  • I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more!
  • I'm very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible.
  • Well I'll see you in my dreams - if I eat too much.
  • There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.
  • I don't hate you, but I wish your dad used a condom.
  • The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor?
  • I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs.
  • All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?
  • Someone up there must have a sense of humor because you're a joke.
  • God made mountains, God made trees, God made you but we all make mistakes.
  • Person: My Parents are dead...
    Me: Yeah, I'd kill myself too if I had a kid like you.