Random Mean Insults

Sometimes situations warrant extra mean insults and comebacks. Fire back at the haters with these mean insults and retorts.

  • Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you.
  • Life without douchebags is a life without you. Because you can account for all of them.
  • When you get run over by a car, it shouldn't be listed under accidents.
  • You'd make a lovely corpse!
  • If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.
  • When you were younger, did your parents have to tie a steak around your neck so the other dogs would play with you?
  • If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
  • I'll hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy!
  • It's impossible to believe that the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
  • I believe in respect for the dead; in fact I could only respect you if you WERE dead.
  • "When I think about you, I touch myself."
    Meaning I rub my temples, because you give me a fucking headache.
  • All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?
  • I hope you have life insurance, you're gonna need it.
  • If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb up your ego and jump to your IQ.
  • You're like a cloud; once you fuck off, it's a beautiful day.
  • Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.
  • You make less sense than a white basketball player.
  • I know you special that's why I wave with one finger.
  • Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.
  • Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.