Random Good Comebacks

In need of a witty comeback? Check out these good comebacks and you'll be ready for any insult that may come your way!

  • If I wanted to see a bitch, I'd just buy a dog.
    195
  • My name's not dick so keep it out of your mouth.
    165
  • Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to like you?
    164
  • My intense desire to unfriend you is outweighed by the enjoyment I feel gawking at the huge trainwreck that is your life.
    -239
  • You asked for my number and I said 1-800 kiss my ass
    476
  • If shit took a look at you it would say hi mom.
    253
  • Did you eat a brain tumor for breakfast?
    -264
  • Do you mean to mumble or is your mouth just naturally full of shit?
    416
  • Insult: FUCK YOU!
    Comeback: No thanks, I don't want herpes.
    165
  • You should wear a condom on your head because if you're gonna act like a dick you might as well dress like one!
    3K
  • Insult: Have your balls dropped yet?
    You: Yeah, in your mom's mouth!
    179
  • I have heard snappier comebacks from a bowl of rice crispies!
    254
  • If I wanted shit from you, I'd squeeze your head.
    79
  • I admire your because I've never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief and a cheat.
    -50
  • It's a bird! It's a plane! No... Wait... It's that flying fuck I don't give.
    471
  • Oh, interesting. Let me just write that on my list of things that I don't give a shit about.
    741
  • Insult: You're a fail.
    Comeback: So was your dad's condom.
    5.4K
  • I'm being treated like shit, so I must be dealing with an asshole
    184
  • I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
    3.9K
  • Twinkle twinkle little whore, close your legs, they're not a door.
    1.2K