Random Good Comebacks

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and SHIT a better argument than that.

I got 99 problems, but bitch you ain't one.

Insult: You're stupid.
Comback: Just like your Dad when he thought he wouldn't need a condom.

I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.

Insult: Kiss my ass.
Girl: Which one? Because either way I'd get a mouthful of shit!

Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.

Bully: Turn around and sit your ass down.
Victim: No you do it. Bully: i already am.
Victim: No your ass (point to their face) is right there.

I don't care what you think about me. I don't think about you at all.

Your comeback was so stupid, it didn't even comeback!

You have your head so far up your ass, you can chew your food twice.

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

Insult: Suck my dick.
Comeback: Get one first!

Did you leave the stove on? Cause you just got burned!

Sorry, can't put small objects in my mouth or I'll choke

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

You should keep some lube with you, so it doesn't hurt as bad the next time you FUCK ME OVER!

If I could be one person for a day, it sure as hell wouldn't be you.

Insult: This is boring!
Comeback: So was your Mom last night.

Of course I talk like an idiot, how else could you understand me?

Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.