Random Good Comebacks

In need of a witty comeback? Check out these good comebacks and you'll be ready for any insult that may come your way!

  • You're so dirty, you started the swine flu.
    -83
  • No wonder you have such a shitty view of the world with how far your head is stuck up your ass.
    325
  • I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I'll think so.
    -31
  • Bully: Give me your money!
    Victim: I would, but I gotta pay your mom for last night.
    550
  • And what are YOU? The poster boy for birth control?
    143
  • I am straighter than the pole your Mom danced on in front of me last night.
    -21
  • If I could be one person for a day, it sure as hell wouldn't be you.
    -71
  • Insult: Suck my dick!
    Comeback: How can I? There's nothing there!
    408
  • I'd slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
    2.4K
  • With breath like that, you shouldn't say anything at all.
    141
  • I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.
    63
  • Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
    2.3K
  • Is your ass jelous of how much shit comes out of your mouth?
    294
  • I hope one day, you choke on the shit you talk.
    547
  • Every time I'm next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone.
    824
  • I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.
    1.2K
  • I'd try being nicer if you try being smarter.
    175
  • Did you eat a brain tumor this morning, cause you are just retarded.
    -293
  • I can't listen to you right now. I still have a headache from your mom screaming last night.
    144
  • Insult: Suck my dick.
    Comeback: Get one first!
    352