Random Good Comebacks

In need of a witty comeback? Check out these good comebacks and you'll be ready for any insult that may come your way!

  • You want me to call Hugh Hefner?
    Cause he loves pussies like you.
    -156
  • Man, I bet you were up all night, working on that one.
    1.4K
  • Have you been shopping lately? They are selling lives at the mall - you should get one.
    2.3K
  • I guess those penis enlargement pills are working - you're twice the dick you were yesterday!
    933
  • Insult: YOU SUCK! Comeback: AND YOU SWALLOW!
    1.6K
  • If you have ever been to a zoo, you obviously have not seen the animal you are...
    -344
  • You know what's funny? Not you, so shut up.
    809
  • You don't believe in being artificial. You want people to hate you for yourself.
    12
  • I'm being treated like shit, so I must be dealing with an asshole
    170
  • I'm sorry dear, but in order for you to insult me, I must first value your opinion. Nice try though.
    561
  • Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.
    3.7K
  • I am straighter than the pole your Mom danced on in front of me last night.
    -8
  • Guy 1: Why are you so fat?
    Guy 2: Everytime I make love to your wife, she gives me a pizza.
    -73
  • I poured my heart to you and you reply "oh lol." Bitch, I hope you get hit by a bus so I can be like... "oh lol."
    604
  • If I wanted an ass's opinion I would have asked my donkey.
    133
  • Wow, who pissed in your cornflakes this morning?
    71
  • If I wanted a bitch I would have went straight to your mom.
    149
  • If I would like to hear from an asshole, I'd fart!
    886
  • There are 2 things I don't that like about you; your face! So shut BOTH of them!
    8
  • At your speed, you'd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium.
    -97