Random Good Comebacks

In need of a witty comeback? Check out these good comebacks and you'll be ready for any insult that may come your way!

  • You're so dirty, you started the swine flu.
  • No wonder you have such a shitty view of the world with how far your head is stuck up your ass.
  • I think you should live for the moment. But after that, I doubt I'll think so.
  • Bully: Give me your money!
    Victim: I would, but I gotta pay your mom for last night.
  • And what are YOU? The poster boy for birth control?
  • I am straighter than the pole your Mom danced on in front of me last night.
  • If I could be one person for a day, it sure as hell wouldn't be you.
  • Insult: Suck my dick!
    Comeback: How can I? There's nothing there!
  • I'd slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
  • With breath like that, you shouldn't say anything at all.
  • I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.
  • Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
  • Is your ass jelous of how much shit comes out of your mouth?
  • I hope one day, you choke on the shit you talk.
  • Every time I'm next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone.
  • I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.
  • I'd try being nicer if you try being smarter.
  • Did you eat a brain tumor this morning, cause you are just retarded.
  • I can't listen to you right now. I still have a headache from your mom screaming last night.
  • Insult: Suck my dick.
    Comeback: Get one first!