Random Good Comebacks

In need of a witty comeback? Check out these good comebacks and you'll be ready for any insult that may come your way!

  • For a man with no cows, you've got an awful lot of bullshit.
  • Guy 1: Why are you so fat?
    Guy 2: Everytime I make love to your wife, she gives me a pizza.
  • Some people bring happiness wherever they go; you bring happiness whenever you go.
  • Insult: Kiss my ass.
    Girl: Which one? Because either way I'd get a mouthful of shit!
  • I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today,
    but on closer inspection it said thick cut.
  • I haven't taken a shower. Tomorrow I'll be beautiful. You, however, are stupid and will be stupid tomorrow.
  • And what are YOU? The poster boy for birth control?
  • If I wanted shit from you, I'd squeeze your head.
  • You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.
  • Here's a joke; a guy went to a gay bar. Oh wait, you were there!
  • I Googled "Who Gives a Shit?"
    My name wasn't in the results.
  • Insult: You smell.
    Comeback: Like your Mom's pussy!
  • Insult: FUCK YOU!
    Comeback: No thanks, I don't want herpes.
  • Eventually, you will get what you asked for.
  • My intense desire to unfriend you is outweighed by the enjoyment I feel gawking at the huge trainwreck that is your life.
  • I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
  • If I wanted my comeback I would have licked it of your Mum's tits last night.
  • Your comebacks are the same just like the size of your dick; small and pedantic.
  • You know that thing above your neck? Yeah, you might want to trade it for a face.
  • Insult: You fail.
    Comeback: So did your MOM getting into college.